This was definitely not my headline for today's post. From early morning It was slowly but steadily building up to it, a day like no other, but a horrible one. Where gratefulness meets the oh so sly frustration. Appreciation disappears in the murky waters of 'I wish I never got involved' and finally your desktop computer plays some very irritating tricks on you. Deadline for a couple of things was definitely not met. I didn't open my mouth, despite dying to kill all this off with a mighty roar. Instead I went to the pool at 7.30pm covered some fast and furious 30 lengths, lowering my Blood pressure and leaving all the mess in the water.
So, here we go this is the real one.
Begin again, don't give up.
No, not me I can’t do it again? It’s far too late, takes too much effort, I failed before, just thinking about it makes me anxious, ill and depressed. Period
Sounds a little like you? It sucks doesn’t? Maybe I’m not the only one who feels like that at times, but looking back I know that I’m lying to myself. You and I are made to be more.
Let’s just flip the previous thought on it’s head.
Yes, of course I can begin again. It’s never too late , I know I can work it, past failures are exactly that, PAST I’m raring to go again and reap some good success.
I had to push myself hard to come out of a season (to be precise 47 days) of not doing anything, absolutely nada, nothing. My body was screaming at me, rebelling at the treatment it received. And rightly so, I don’t know what got into me to let myself go in such a manner.
If you know anything about me, running and a healthy lifestyle are part of my passion. I felt that after running the London Marathon I could not go back to start all over again.Just the thought of crafting again and go back to the starting blocks of humble beginnings. Someone please help me, was my cry.
Determined that I was more than a whimpering victim, I decided this morning 14/06/19 with the rain clouds approaching to go for a 3km run, that’s all I had courage for.
And since the weather forecast talked of red Sahara dust rain storms I took my chance and went for it.The storms never arrived, but the threat worked for me.
Returning on time before the rain, I congratulated myself. Well done Gertraud. I clocked in at a 3K time of 19:53 minutes, a just reward to have defeated Self Doubt.
So, what was all this fuss about? To me it was a descent from the high of a victory won, where I just didn’t feel like I wanted to do anything else. The moment I kicked myself for tolerating this situation the change was imminent.
Strangely enough to begin again is so much easier than first starting out? And why wouldn't it be since you have travelled through similar situations before. It's not the same though, if you're a bit like me you will have learned from past lessons. This was the reason why I didn't blow my top when the day I lived through became one hot mess.
Imagination and creativity will make for a different ‘Begin Again’, the past is the past, it’s gone to never return.
You have just written the opening paragraph of your new chapter. You better believe it.
And with this I close, looking forward to happier writings in the future, you may just meet another side of me and yourself?
Live in the NOW!
BELIEVE in yourself!
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